Advice From a Dyke: Alison Bechdel
Some of our faithful readers had some serious relationship problems they needed answered. The person to take these questions on was Alison Becdel. Alison has been writing about relationships for years. They have been best documented in compelling works of art such as Dykes to Watch Out and Fun Home. Bechdel’s currently working on Love Life: A Case Study, a graphic novel about relationships.
This is just a little homework.
I had awkward sex with one of my good friends and I still want to be friends and act like nothing happened but its sort of weird, any tips for getting over that post sex hump?
Jill Cruz, 27
Tell your friend exactly what you told me, that it was awkward and you hope you can both get past it and continue being friends. If you can’t manage to do that, try a witness protection program.
++++++I have been cheating on my “plain jane” girlfriend consistently for the last five months with someone from work who I’m not very attached to but super attracted to. I don’t want to break up with girlfriend even though there is an opportunity to pursue a relationship with my coworker. I can tell my girlfriend loves me more than I love her and she is great to keep around. She cooks, she’s supportive and she gives awesome head. In the past she has mentioned that if I ever cheated on her she would be out the door and heartbroken. What should I do?
Amy Ponomore, 28
Next time Jane is giving you head, stop her and tell her you need to talk. Say that you really like her cooking, that you suspect she loves you more than you love her, and that you’ve been fucking your coworker for the past five months. I think matters should take care of themselves after that.
I want to propose an open relationship with my boyfriend but I am afraid he will break up with me. I want to be able to see other men and woman. Is there a tactful way to approach this subject?Penelope Heathrow, 25
Okay. I’m noticing a theme among these questions. You’re all afraid that if you’re honest with your partner, they’ll leave you. Whatever happened to talking? You people need to get down, open up, and tell the truth to each other. We used to call this processing. It will bring you to new heights of intimacy and leave you more raw, vulnerable, and exhausted than the best sex. It’s also a better cardio workout.
If your clingy boyfriend or your plain jane girlfriend can’t handle the truth, go find someone who can.
++++++++++++Hi. For the past few months I have had reoccurring sex dreams about my parents doing it in random places, the linen closet, in the neighbors dog shed, the trunk of my car…Every time I catch them I wake up. My parents are “happily married”, super normal and very unphysical around me. I have never even seen them kiss. Am I a freak? What is triggering these crazy ass dreams?!
Jack Pierre, 30
You have unresolved Oedipal issues and need to begin analysis five days a week for the next two years. Ask your parents to pay for it.
++++++++++++My girlfriend has really hairy vagina. She says she has never shaved it and never will. Hooray for the feminist love of her goodies but the thought of eating her out horrifies me. We have been together for about 5 months and things just recently started getting really physical. She has moved my head down there a couple of times and every time I make up an excuse or try to stall. I don’t know how much longer she will deal with this. Should I beg her to shave it or move on?
Ifoma Ikone, 27
Okay. What. Is. Going. On. With. The. Shaving? Obviously you kids are doing this expressly to freak out your old hairy forebears. Why would anyone want to shave that area? Why would anyone want to touch, lick, or suck on bald, stubbly genitalia?
Besides, if you can bring yourself to go down there and take a closer look, you will notice that your girlfriend’s vagina is not actually hairy at all, it is merely surrounded by hair.
Uh oh. Unless you really DO mean that her vagina, her love canal itself, is, like, filled with hair. Well, that is kinda horrifying. If that’s the case, you should indeed move on.