story + illustrations / Gina Tron
“You work for a magazine. You should be forecasting upcoming trends,” someone I secretly hate once told me in my bed. I absorbed their demand. So instead of just thinking about myself, I have been trying to pay attention to other people. After weeks of looking at people, I have predicted some trends for the summer of 2013.
I have noticed that people who are attractive seem to have more people looking at them. Looking at them in a good way, too. They also have more friends. And that is cool. So, I think that being attractive will be very “in” this summer. Try to become taller, starve yourself, invest in a skin cancer machine, do whatever possible so that you can be attractive for summer.
Covering Your Feet
People covering their feet seems to be a constant. I only saw one man who didn’t and he was homeless. If I learned anything from following Abercrombie and Fitch on Twitter, it’s that homeless people are not cool. Therefore shoes or sandals are a MUST this summer!!
As the sun increases in covering us with heat, we as people must increase our desire to cover our eyes. SQUINTY EYES ARE NOT SEXY! I have spoken to scientists, stylists, bartenders, janitors, production assistants, and graphic designers. All of them have projected that sunglasses will be very popular during the sunny summer season.
Complaining is always cool. But when it’s hot out, we can crank up the heat on the crankiness. We will be sweatier. We will be more dehydrated. Fat people will be taking longer to walk up the subway stairs. We will be inconvenienced, slightly. So schedule a brunch with your most whiny of friends. Get drunk and sweat out your rage at 1pm so that you don’t choke out an MTA worker.
This summer people will be wearing an article of clothing that is very similar to pants, but lacks in leg length. This garment is called “shorts.” It comes in many fabrics: denim, cotton, polyester, and much more. Lengthen your fun by matching this with Trend #1. If you are attractive AND show off your legs just imagine the possibilities. POPULARITY AND BOYZ GALORE <3