Illustrations / Babe Walker
Interview / Koko Ntuen
Hate her or envy her, Babe Walker, the waiflike budding fashion icon, has the kind of problems you might only dream about. On her wildly popular twitter under the title of White Girl Problems she delivers entitled, snark-filled diatribes such as, “I’m going to close my eyes, and you’re going to take these croutons out of my salad”, “We have to fly on a plane with other people?”, and “Contrary to popular belief, community service is the chicest. Or at least it can be if you’re channeling Naomi Campbell .” Her twitter account is the namesake of her first book, White Girl Problems, which was recently published in late January. Wildly satirical and comical, Babe’s book is a three hundred page rant on the trivial worries of the upper class—a wonderful read for those who like to poke fun at the self-indulgence of Hollywood and materialist America. Babe, the fictional character (sorry to disappoint) created by Tanner and David Oliver Cohen and friend Lara Schoenhals, has spawned a whole culture of chic problems that are only seen from front rows on fashion shows, private planes and Barney’s dressing rooms. Babe sat down with Ladygunn to talk about bags, botox, the horrors of scrunchies, and of course her current “White Girl” problems. “The one key ingredient you need to get revenge is your vagina.”
What is your full name? Barbara Gwyneth Paltrow Walker.
Why did you decide to tell your story? I think my story can help young people around the world who feel like their voices aren’t being heard.
What have you been up to since your book came out? Blogging, cleansing, walking around, buying dogs, attending fashion weeks, taking photos of my dogs…nothing too exciting.
We all know you are really close with your Jamaican nanny/assistant/maid/pseudo mother Mabinty and communicate via Patois. Do you ever start speaking in a Jamaican accent in public? Only when I lose my temper. Or if I’m on coke.
What is the most un-chic thing you have seen recently? This morning, I was at my Psychic’s office for an appointment, and a woman in the waiting room was wearing a scrunchie.
What items are you currently obsessed with? This YSL Picasso dress from the Pop Art Collection that I’ve been scouring the planet for and finally found while in Paris, Marc Jacobs’ enormous hand-knit chunky scarves, Reed Krakoff color-block leather dress, and the Courtin-Clarins girls—but only as a foursome.
Name all the items in your bag right now. An apple, my white iPhone, blackberry and black iPhone, a joint, a condom, my Comme De Garcons wallet, a credit card that I found under my bed this morning, a mini Prada backpack keychain that is literally so cute, a handful of almonds, a carrot, 700 valet tickets, a pack of Marlboro Lights, a vintage Hermès lighter, a Minipurr (google them, they’re adorable) and various Tom Ford lipsticks.
What kind of bag is it? A Sofia Coppola for Louis Vuitton PM bag. Black.
Who is your celebrity crush? Jackson Theron (Charlize’s new son). And Selena Gomez.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Dead-ish?
What are you favorite young designers currently? I love love love love Christopher Kane, Mark Fast, and Azzedine Alaïa, who is forever young in my mind.
Have you even been in Target? Once, I was sleepwalking and ended up lost in a Target for three days and no one knew where to find me. I literally had to buy a cell phone, charge it, activate it, and call 9-1-1 for help.
We all know about your problems but what do you think is the major problems of the world? Hunger. There needs to be less of it in the third world and more of it in America.
What was your favorite thing about rehab? Being able to wear fur 24/7.
What do you think of Botox? If you actually sweat (which I’ve trained my body not to do) Botox is great for the armpits and the feet.
Who is your favorite person to follow on twitter? I don’t really do that.
Have you been back to Barney’s since your infamous meltdown? Yes. I’ve been meeting my therapist in a dressing room on the second floor of Barneys in LA twice a week since rehab. It’s good to revisit the scene of a traumatic experience in order to move past it.
Are you dating anyone right now? I’m gonna go ahead and say no, but I mean yes.
What is the last thing you bought? This super euro-trash white Chanel watch that I gave to my best friend for her birthday (as a joke).
Who is the most famous person you ever slept with? You’ve probably never heard of Dwayne Johnson…but that’s who.
What are you wearing right now? An Hermès scarf as a dress.
What is the most prized possession? My nose.
What are you working on now? I’m working on transitioning back into my natural hair color, I’m working on incorporating more statement pieces into my wardrobe, and I’m also trying to find a professional spray-tanner who knows what the fuck they’re doing prior to going to Coachella.
What is on your agenda for the spring/summer? 1) Moving out of my dad’s house. 2) Moving my pets out of my dad’s house. 3) Making my blog (www.babewalker.com) the epicenter of all things chic. 4) Writing another book.
What did you eat today? I had a doctor’s appointment today, so nothing yet.