IN ALL HONESTY LADIES…

By Eli Kooris
*Photograph by Jiajia Zhang from the series “Couples.”
In all honesty ladies, we’re looking for best friends we can fuck.
Ok, that was crass and might sound a little harsh, but it’s the truth at the end of the day. In the beginning of any relationship, when you’re trying to pin a guy down, that should be the go-to one line answer when your courtship becomes compromised. Be our best friends, fuck us into submission.
Men want three things: sex, stuff to consume (eating, drinking, smoking, or watching), and respect. We’ve held on to the basic tenets of our caveman roots. Sure, there are notions of power, longevity, and morality in there somewhere, but those aren’t things you need to worry about when trying to pin us down, just things you look for once you’ve got us in order to determine if you want to keep us around.
Don’t over-think, as you chicks are prone to do when it comes to love, sex, and relationships. He doesn’t seem excited to see you? He’s probably not but loves your boobs. Test it out a little longer, try a little harder and if you don’t see an overall change in demeanor, drop his ass. He doesn’t pay for your meal? Maybe he’s not that interested. Maybe he’s broke, or stingy, or both. Maybe he hasn’t been made to want to provide for you. He wants to take it slow? Again, loves your boobs, not you…yet. Usually the most logical answer is a psychological bull’s-eye with us.
And at the beginning, when it’s clear he’s interested in you and you’re interested in him, don’t play games to test his metal. Just be honest. To me, few things are sexier than a woman having the bravery to lay it all out on the table and tell me what she wants from me. We like certain rules and parameters. That’s why men love sports. We know what we have to do to win the game. And by God, if I care about a woman and she gives me a list of things she needs to be happy, I’ll fulfill that list—within reason, of course. If I don’t care about her, I’ll let the list flutter away and then she’ll have her answer.
(article continues inside magazine)
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