by Bryanna Doe Singer
Most people try not to dwell on their negative experiences. But Gina Tron isn’t most people–she prefers to turn her negative experiences into memoirs, finding catharsis through examination and retelling. Gina sees everything that has happened to her in life as a potential teachable moment and is willing to revisit even the darkest parts of her past for the sake of sharing what she’s learned with the rest of us.
Gina’s latest memoir, Suspect, chronicles her junior year as a high school student in rural Vermont. Caught up in the moral panic and mass hysteria that gripped the United States immediately following the Columbine shooting, weird little goth girl Gina was falsely accused of plotting to shoot up her high school. While she had no real intention of hurting her classmates, being treated like a would-be murderer offered Gina a unique perspective into what could drive someone to become a school shooter. Suspect skillfully blends memoir with investigative journalism, making for a thoroughly compelling read as it explores both the psychology behind acts of mass violence and the struggles of navigating female adolescence as a social outcast. And somehow, despite having such a serious throughline, the book is also hilarious. Gina’s authorial voice is equal parts insightful, witty, and darkly funny as she retreads her journey from a suspected school shooter to–in a surprising plot twist–eventual prom queen.
Interestingly, Gina says that she first approached this topic not out of a burning desire to share her narrative but because no one else was facilitating a discussion that she found necessary.
“When I started writing, I was trying to develop a strong thesis about why school shootings and copycat shootings happen,” Gina explains. “My goal was to contribute positively to that conversation because I feel frustrated about the lack of nuance. That was my frustration, even as a sixteen-year-old. I would think, How can such smart people be blaming such simple things for something so complex and multifaceted? Everything gets shifted into singular issues, and we’re debating gun control or bullying. But there can’t be a singular reason for a school shooting to happen. It has to be a perfect storm of internal and external factors. So I decided to speak from my perspective about how certain mindsets can form in young people and add some nuance.”
As Gina got further into writing, she quickly realized that Suspect would be one of her most challenging creative projects. “It was harder than all the other books in terms of how personal it was to me and how scared I was to write about it,” she says. “And I was fearful of how people would respond to it, because the topics I was trying to take on were so sensitive.” It’s surprising to hear, considering some other subjects that Gina has tackled over the years. Her 2014 memoir You’re Fine is about checking herself into a mental institution to kick a cocaine addiction. She’s written several essays about her long-drawn attempt to bring her rapist to justice while being revictimized by the police supposedly investigating the case, such as the candidly-titled 2013 VICE article “I Got Raped, Then My Problems Started”. The Politico article “How Did Idyllic Vermont Become America’s Heroin Capital?”, quoted in Rolling Stone’s deep dive into the topic, discusses the sadly numerous personal connections she has to Vermont’s opioid epidemic. But according to Gina, Suspect was different.
“The other books are about things that happened in my 20s and 30s,” she elaborates. “And yes, they’re embarrassing times in my life that don’t show me in the best light. But I felt more embarrassed about how I behaved in Suspect. Teenagehood is a really vulnerable time, and it was kind of excruciating for me to admit a lot of things that I did or said and to revisit things that were painful. I’m well aware that I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but I still can’t help but feel that way. While writing, I was fighting the urge to want to polish myself and make myself look better than I was. I had to ask, Am I being too hard on myself? Or am I not being hard enough? So that was one struggle.”
The other big struggle was worrying that the individuals depicted within the book would feel attacked by their portrayals, and that they might even be correct in feeling this way.
“I had many sleepless nights worrying about how the book would potentially paint other people,” says Gina. “I can’t tell the story without writing about certain experiences or bringing others in as characters. If I omitted certain things that happened, or certain people, the story wouldn’t be as strong because it would be inauthentic. But I still live in this community, and I’m still very intermingled with people who appear in this book. And a few people did express to me that they did not want this book to be published. It was difficult trying to be true to my perception of events without being too harsh. I didn’t want people to think I was writing this book for revenge or spite, or because I wanted people who were horrible to me back in high school to feel guilt about it now. But I didn’t want to edit myself, or rewrite the town I grew up in as a more polished place than it was. So I tried to be fair, and I feel like what I wrote was very real. And I’m incredibly relieved that so far the reviews and responses have been positive. I’ve actually been getting a lot of support from former classmates, and I just feel relieved that people are interpreting the book in the way that I hoped.”
Although this was an issue of particular concern regarding Suspect, Gina notes that writing a memoir always means walking a fine line between accuracy, creative license, and causing a minimal amount of collateral damage–and especially when you’re writing about a person in a way that’s not necessarily positive.
“Trying to stay as close as possible to the emotional truth of the situation is most important, I think. I take some actual quotes, from things I do remember or what I had written in my diary at the time. But a lot of the dialogue has to be recreated, and isn’t exact. So I try to remember what someone would’ve said in that moment, and make sure the dialogue I write is true to their character. Or sometimes, especially in order to protect people, I will merge more than one person into a single character. For example, in Suspect I merged a couple of bullies into one main antagonist. The emotional truth is still there, because these character’s remarks were things that really were said to me. But you also have to consider what makes the story stronger,” Gina says. “The emotional truth could be that this person was ruthless all the time, but as a writer I’ll put in some good qualities as well. I’d rather give people more credit than they deserve. I think that readers respond better when they can see people as full characters as opposed to two-dimensional villains.”
Some writers might find it difficult to approach such personal and oftentimes hurtful experiences with this level of consideration for the “villains” of the story, but to Gina it’s the obvious move. “I had to forgive people for my teen years a long time ago, for my own mental health. And I think that led to my ability to tell the story accurately while not being clouded by anger,” she says. “I actually think that’s a way I’ve evolved as a writer over the years, which was intentional because I feel like in some earlier works I was too harsh on people. I focused more on moments that caused me pain, because at that time I was still in pain, as opposed to knowing what was more appropriate for the theme of the book. But now I think I’m a lot better about separating myself from my emotions.”
Still, for her next project Gina says that she wants to step outside of the memoir genre. She’s written fiction in the past, such as the 2017 release Eggolio and Other Fables. But even that book was more of a memoir-in-disguise. “It’s satirical fiction, but almost every story is based on a real person or something real from my life. I just exaggerated to make it funnier,” Gina admits. “But right now, I’m working on a novel. The goal is to write a story that isn’t strongly rooted in my own life. It’s a challenge, but so far I’m really proud of myself for trying. And it feels freeing to know that I can go wherever I want in the story, and I don’t have to fact check or worry about staying close to reality, because these characters’ lives are not my life.”
Whatever Gina writes in the future, it’s guaranteed to be a great read!
Gina Tron is the author of several books. Her notable works include the 2020 poetry collection Star 67, which contains a poem nominated for a Pushcart Prize; a 2015 collaboration with photographer Jena Cumbo titled We Met On The Internet, referred to by The New York Times as “an anthropological study” about couples who met online; and Suspect, which won the Tarpaulin Sky Book Award in 2020. Gina has also worked extensively as a reporter and journalist, and has written for outlets including The Washington Post, VICE, Politico, and The Daily Beast. Gina’s work advocating for rape victim-survivors has helped lead to several bills and the DOJ investigation into the NYPD’s Special Victims Department. She received her MFA at Vermont College of Fine Arts in 2018, and is an adjunct professor at Norwich University.
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