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Growing up in Brooklyn during the early aughts, Tolú Ekundare was constantly navigating the challenges of a dual identity as a first-generation Nigerian. Her peers thought she was “too African” for American circles and “too American” for African circles. Reflecting on this, she recalls, “I used to be like, damn, so where do I fit in?” Her struggle with identity led to a resilient pride in her heritage, even in the face of those who might be taken aback.
Tolú carried that compass over to a reality TV star, where she became a star. She gained a dedicated fan base and her fair share of critics during her tenure on television. Tolú’s first appearance was on The Trust, a high-stakes competition show, where she showcased her strategic prowess and unapologetic drive. Though she won big, taking home almost $80,000, her strategy polarized some viewers. For a time, she became one of the most controversial figures on the show, receiving backlash and even hate mail. “I was depressed for a good chunk of time just because I was not used to so many people having so many opinions of me,” Tolú admits. Despite the negativity, her experience on The Trust helped her grow tougher skin.
“When The Trust aired, I was the most hated person in America for a couple of weeks, or no, for a month after the show came out, just because so many people disapproved of how I went about it. They were like, you should have shared with everybody…” the reality star recalls.
Tolú’s appearance on Perfect Match gave audiences a different view of her—lighthearted, fun, and true to her personality. The contrast between the two shows underscores the complexity of her character, challenging stereotypes of women in competitive environments. She recalls the relief of seeing a more accurate representation of herself: “Finally, they showed my personality.”
It’s been a transformative journey for Tolú as she navigates unexpected fame and discovers how her authentic self resonates with others. Being cast as a central figure in Perfect Match gave me a much-needed representation of the world of reality.
“I’m tired of in Reality or, in real life, of seeing black women as constantly the last choice. Or if the white girl doesn’t go for the dude, all right, then I guess I’ll go for the black girl. I hate that.”
Tolú made it clear on the show that she was nobody’s 2nd choice and ensured everyone knew it. Messages from young fans offering adoration and appreciation quickly came pouring in. Her raw and candid presence on screen has empowered viewers—especially young girls—to embrace their true selves, stand up for their beliefs, and reject societal molds.
“I’ll get these long DM’s from 13-year-old girls, and they’ll be like, “Tolu, I’m watching you on Perfect Match. You were such a girl’s girl,” or “When you were standing up for yourself, you taught me ways that I need to show up for myself more. You taught me to speak out.”
Tolú’s new life in the spotlight has brought unique challenges and joys. With an instantly recognizable look and an unmistakable presence, she has found her place—both as a reality TV star and a proud Nigerian-American.
“I can’t go anywhere without people recognizing me. I have such a recognizable image, too; just being a Baldy, I’m just identifiable. Even if I’m trying to wear a hat with glasses, people would be like, are you Tolú? I was in Walmart two days ago in my incognito mode, and someone came up behind me and said, “I’m sorry, you look like that girl from Perfect Match; what’s your name?” Strangers come up to me and love me just for being me. I’ve never been in a space for real where people are just; they just love me just for doing me shit. So I think that’s my favorite part.”
Tolú’s parents are excited for her. As the only child in a Nigerian household, the relationship with her family is complex.
“I did not watch the show with them,” she says, laughing.
Their initially conservative views were met with newfound openness, which allowed a nice breakdown of cultural boundaries around dating and independence.
“I never even imagined myself being on TV. Being on all these shows has just taught me how much of that girl I am and can be.”
